vodka

ASTROLIQUOR for October 28-November 3

My Fellow Inebriates,

Here’s your booze horoscope:

Here’s something to keep you busy today, Aries:

Mix equal parts of Jack Daniel’s and Jim Beam, then chase with Labatt Blue. Have…say… seven, and don’t pick any fights.

You need something sweet and fun today, Taurus, so break into the Hallowe’en stash a little early and throw some Pop Rocks into a shot glass of melon liqueur. Knock it back, then do five more. Now you’re ready for anything.


You’re a drinker with a split personality, Gemini, so let’s pit your two sides against each other and see what emerges. Pour equal parts Goldschlager and Sambuca into a shot glass and savor. Can you do six?

Intuitive and sentimental, Cancers need pretty, happy drinks to keep their mood out of the toilet, so how about a Tequila Sunrise?  You just need ice in a tall glass with two shots of tequila, a drizzle of grenadine and some orange juice.

Leos love sunny, tropical flavors, so throw some banana liqueur into a tall glass of Sprite and you’re ready to start running around naked.


Where would a Virgo be without measured shot glasses? Your OCD approach to bartending guarantees that not a drop gets wasted—nor will you often get drunk without intending it. This should keep you happy:

  • 1 1/2 oz Absolut® Mandrin vodka
  • 1/2 oz Cointreau® orange liqueur
  • 2 – 3 oz cranberry juice
  • 2 – 3 oz orange juice

Stir it up in a tall glass with ice.

Since you’re so good at holding your liquor, Libra, this Bear Dozer recipe should test your mettle: equal parts Jack Daniel’s, tequila, and cherry whiskey. Pour into shot glasses and pound several.

Calm your demons with a raspberry martini today, Scorpio, preferably before work or going online. In a cocktail shaker, mix vodka and Chambord in a 2:1 ratio, then add a tablespoon of lime juice. That should keep you from being a dink.

Sagittarius folk are the travelers of the drinking world, and they range far and wide in search of novelty. Your assignment today is to take one of your craft beers and throw two shots of Bacardi 151 into it, set it on fire and pound it. YEAH!


Here’s something dignified for Capricorn, the most conservative sign:

  • 1.5 oz bourbon whiskey
  • 0.5 oz sweet sherry
  • 1 teaspoon bitters
  • 3 oz orange juice
  • 3 oz lemonade

Shake the first four ingredients with ice, then pour the lemonade over it. At first this will look elegant; later not so much when it comes back up.

No messing around today, Aquarius, you need some energy, so grab a Red Bull and add two shots of vodka to it. Now you can be productive.

Jails are full of Pisces, so here’s something to keep you busy. Stay indoors mixing/drinking this:

  • 2 oz lemon vodka
  • 1 oz Grand Marnier
  • 0.5 oz cranberry puree
  • 3 splashes lemon juice
  • 2.5 oz lemonade
  • 1 oz orange juice

Drink repeatedly all day and don’t venture outside.

SILENT SAM Vodka

My Fellow Inebriates,

One of my parents tells me that when she and her friends convened around the liquor store before prom with money in hand for a runner, all agreed said runner should just buy “something clear.” SILENT SAM was duly placed in their underage hands, and the rest is a historic blackout.

Of course it’s a myth that SILENT SAM has no taste. Water has a taste, air has a taste, and so does alcohol. But SILENT SAM is renowned for its ability to disappear into mixers. It’s filtered through silk to remove any impurities that might lend it extra, unwanted flavor.

And like most entry-level vodkas these days, SILENT SAM is distilled from grain, not potatoes, which would contribute a fuller taste.

First the silk. This makes vegans hopping mad: all those little wormies being exploited just to make a screwdriver taste more like Tang and less like vodka.

I say those little guys are lucky; they should see what tequila producers do with worms.

Now the potatoes. Very few vodkas are made with actual potatoes these days, nor is a potato base essential to the definition of vodka (“water” in Polish). However, potato vodkas are more expensive to produce and tend to be more high-end.

Just this morning my good friend Boo suggested I try BISON GRASS vodka.

I woke my dad up this morning and told him to go and get me some BISON GRASS. Although he decided to be a jerk and go to work instead, I have high hopes that I can rope him into a grain-versus-potato experiment. According to another, much more eloquent reviewer than yours truly, it’s delightful: http://goodspiritsnews.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/gsn-review-baks-bison-grass-vodka/?blogsub=confirmed#blog_subscription-3

My dad’s priorities need reordering (what is with my parents and the stigma they think attaches to morning drinking?) but until he decides to help me by stocking our liquor cabinet, all I can do is humbly thank the booze-review pioneers who’ve already discovered all the good stuff out there. And for you Boo, I say: you’re one lucky bear to have a human who understands you. But will she boot for you at grad?