My Fellow Inebriates,
Here’s your booze horoscope:
Here’s something to keep you busy today, Aries:
Mix equal parts of Jack Daniel’s and Jim Beam, then chase with Labatt Blue. Have…say… seven, and don’t pick any fights.
You need something sweet and fun today, Taurus, so break into the Hallowe’en stash a little early and throw some Pop Rocks into a shot glass of melon liqueur. Knock it back, then do five more. Now you’re ready for anything.
You’re a drinker with a split personality, Gemini, so let’s pit your two sides against each other and see what emerges. Pour equal parts Goldschlager and Sambuca into a shot glass and savor. Can you do six?
Intuitive and sentimental, Cancers need pretty, happy drinks to keep their mood out of the toilet, so how about a Tequila Sunrise? You just need ice in a tall glass with two shots of tequila, a drizzle of grenadine and some orange juice.
Leos love sunny, tropical flavors, so throw some banana liqueur into a tall glass of Sprite and you’re ready to start running around naked.
Where would a Virgo be without measured shot glasses? Your OCD approach to bartending guarantees that not a drop gets wasted—nor will you often get drunk without intending it. This should keep you happy:
- 1 1/2 oz Absolut® Mandrin vodka
- 1/2 oz Cointreau® orange liqueur
- 2 – 3 oz cranberry juice
- 2 – 3 oz orange juice
Stir it up in a tall glass with ice.
Since you’re so good at holding your liquor, Libra, this Bear Dozer recipe should test your mettle: equal parts Jack Daniel’s, tequila, and cherry whiskey. Pour into shot glasses and pound several.
Calm your demons with a raspberry martini today, Scorpio, preferably before work or going online. In a cocktail shaker, mix vodka and Chambord in a 2:1 ratio, then add a tablespoon of lime juice. That should keep you from being a dink.
Sagittarius folk are the travelers of the drinking world, and they range far and wide in search of novelty. Your assignment today is to take one of your craft beers and throw two shots of Bacardi 151 into it, set it on fire and pound it. YEAH!
Here’s something dignified for Capricorn, the most conservative sign:
- 1.5 oz bourbon whiskey
- 0.5 oz sweet sherry
- 1 teaspoon bitters
- 3 oz orange juice
- 3 oz lemonade
Shake the first four ingredients with ice, then pour the lemonade over it. At first this will look elegant; later not so much when it comes back up.
No messing around today, Aquarius, you need some energy, so grab a Red Bull and add two shots of vodka to it. Now you can be productive.
Jails are full of Pisces, so here’s something to keep you busy. Stay indoors mixing/drinking this:
- 2 oz lemon vodka
- 1 oz Grand Marnier
- 0.5 oz cranberry puree
- 3 splashes lemon juice
- 2.5 oz lemonade
- 1 oz orange juice
Drink repeatedly all day and don’t venture outside.