beer

What Beer Should I Drink?

Handy flowchart when you’re stuck, my fellow inebriates…

http://topcultured.com/what-should-i-drink-beer-edition-flowchart/

Beer Throw Up

I’m often intrigued by the way people arrive at this site. Yesterday a visitor landed here by googling “beer throw up.” As it happens, I’m thrilled to give you my two cents on how “beer” and “throwing up” are associated. But first a video illustration:

“Drunk guy throws up into beer and drinks again”

Too cool. Now, on to some specific questions that arise when you google “beer throw up”:

Is British beer designed to be thrown up? Good question. There’s a misconception that the British enjoy warm beer, the thought of which might make a North American upchuck. Fact is, British brews are often served at cellar temperature (10-14°C) so their flavors can be better discerned by the drinker. Not super-cold, certainly, but not disgustingly warm either. And not actually designed to make you throw up—but if you feel like throwing up, by all means throw up. Then you get to drink more.

Why does beer make me throw up? Beer contains alcohol, which has a depressive effect on parts of the brain. A human body metabolizes about one drink an hour, so anything above that contributes toward intoxication. Since technically alcohol is a toxin, the body will do its best to process it, but it may reach a saturation point and send everything spewing out. The more you drink, the more practiced your liver will become at processing the alcohol.

Throwing up when drinking beer? Trust me, I love drinking to excess, but beer is meant to be enjoyed for its taste just as much as its buzz. Try nursing your beer and you should be able to keep it all down. Pound it when you start getting bored.

How long can I binge drink before suffering negative effects? Tricky question. Since I started binge drinking my fur has become very matted and I often have what my parents and girlfriend describe as “dead eyes.” I can live with these things, so I figure I can keep binging for a while. Be your own judge; you probably can last a bit longer too.

How can I keep from getting that drunk again? First off, how drunk do you mean? If you were that drunk then you surely have no recollection what got you there—how many drinks, the pacing, what you ate, your hydration level, etc. So you’ll probably be that drunk again one of these days. Just make sure you have some painkillers handy for the next day.

What’s a good bottle of red wine you recommend? I really like J. Lohr for value/quality and RECOMMEND the Seven Oaks Cabernet Sauvignon.

ASTROLIQUOR for Nov. 11-17

My Fellow Inebriates,

Here’s your booze horoscope:

You’re feeling happy this week, Aries, which means fruity fruit fruit:

  • 1.5 oz vodka
  • half a lime
  • 1/2 oz passion fruit syrup
  • 1/2 oz watermelon liqueur

Shake with ice and strain into a chilled glass. Again, I know this is kind of a silly drink for you, Aries, but when you’re happy you have the patience to plan and execute drinks like this.

It’s time to quit driving your car, Taurus, so you can properly enjoy your liquor cabinet. Be a free spirit and pour equal parts Pepsi and red wine into a decanter. This is one of those awesome beverages that others often decline, so you get it all to yourself. YEAH!!

Life is cuddly and harmonious right now, Gemini. Get out some nice apple cider (I RECOMMEND Strongbow) and mix it 3:1 with cherry liqueur. Share it with someone who makes your fur tingle.

This is a good week for Cancers to hit on the opposite sex. Pick a drink that differentiates you as a fun-loving party animal, then buy everyone a round. I’d go with shooters: equal parts Crown Royal and butterscotch schnapps.

Start thinking about moving out of your parents’ house, Leo, and stock up your own booze shelf. You need some good Russian vodka. With a bit of lime, soda water, and sugar, you’re all set.

The asteroid didn’t hit us last week, and everything’s all good. Virgo, you need to go out on a limb and get crazy this week. How long has it been since you had a party drink? This one’s called a Smurfette:

  • 3 oz Malibu
  • 3 oz Blue Curacao
  • 4 oz banana liqueur
  • Pineapple juice to taste (I usually have “none”)

Serve over ice. Yum!

All eyes are on you, this week, Libra, so get out your flask, fill it with gin, Blue Curacao, orange juice and cheap white wine, and take it to work. When people see your inexplicable nonchalance, you’ll probably get a promotion.

You’re not your usual emotional vampire self, Scorpio, because you’re in the groove and finding comfort in happy, joyful concoctions. Malibu is an integral part of any fun-time drink, so shake it up in equal parts with Captain Morgan spiced rum and mango rum. Then add pineapple juice…or not.

Sagittarius, you make it all look so easy. You’ll have a lot of adventures this week, none of them planned, and the culprit will be Captain Morgan. It’s just so easy to throw it into your ice tea with a squirt of lemon.

You’re conflicted this week, Capricorn…are you ready for take-off or grounded in reality? I find the right liquor usually prevents over-thinking things. Try adding peppermint schnapps to everything this week. If you can keep a steady buzz going without overshooting into unconsciousness, you should have interesting times.

Love and romance are favored this week, Aquarius, but you are still preoccupied with taking over the world. This is not the week for that! You need to get really loaded and have fun. Here’s a start:

  • 2 oz dark rum
  • 1 oz 100-proof vodka
  • 1.5 oz Blue Curacao (because you LOVE blue things)
  • 2 oz pineapple juice
  • Red Bull to taste
Doesn’t that sound fantastic? Drink up!

Pisces, you’ve been finding yourself in the gutter a bit too often lately. Maybe hard liquor isn’t your thing right now, especially since people keep kicking your ass. Stick to beer this week, and slow yourself down by adding strange things to it: Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, soy sauce, Tabasco, pepper…you get the idea. Add ’em all if you like. It’ll make it hard to pound the beers as fast as you normally do.