My Fellow Inebriates,
How embarrassed I was when the Executive Assistant from Best Brands, the company that manufactures the Cuisinart Puppet Mitt with Silicone Grip, contacted me to offer a “care package.” You see, I’d dropped a number of F-bombs in the original complaint letter—mainly because I was in a frantic state of sobriety when I wrote it, beset by a paranoid fixation on the idea that my mother might (having rejected the Puppet Mitt) reach for me as an oven mitt. I don’t know if any of you have ever had a fear like this, MFI, but mine was so extreme that it spawned a letter so nasty that I certainly didn’t expect a response—much less one from Head Office, exuding professionalism at every syllable. Yes indeed, I felt very embarrassed when it popped up in my Gmail.
I did my best to apologize for my letter and pin as much of it on my parents as I could. After all, I need their human dexterity to type (and open bottles, etc.).
And the next day Ms Goldberg sent me a tracking number for the coming swag. I feel like such a douche.
11 thoughts on “I’m not an oven mitt—just a douchebag”
Yep, officially peed my pants at the office.
Thanks a lot, LSB.
You had a valid complaint. You deserved a response.
Can’t wait to see what’s sent!
My parents are really excited. I would be too if Best Brands had a distillery.
Love it! A head office with humour is a rare thing.
I’m still embarrassed! I NEVER thought anyone would dignify that letter, and now I do feel like a jerk. Especially since I had to go and LOOK to see what color the kitchen is.
My sides hurt from laughing! The sentence beginning with ‘my parents are such oblivious people…’ and the comment about the G and T were priceless.
Hee hee, it’s TRUE though; they don’t have a clue. You made my day by saying that!!
Maybe if I complain to your parents they’ll mail you to me in a care package.
They are always threatening to send me somewhere. But I wouldn’t want to invade Froggert’s territory; you know how frogs are.
BAH! Hysterical. Can’t wait to hear what you got!
Ha! My parents are way more excited than I am. I wouldn’t mind if they sent some shot glasses…