My Fellow Inebriates,
One of the best things about being a bear is that I don’t have to get a job. There’s probably nothing more stressful in the modern world than figuring out how to fit into the workforce. If you don’t find a niche, you flagellate yourself for being broke and unproductive, even if your kick-ass Bejeweled scores buoy your self-esteem somewhat. If somebody does hire you, you go into ass-kissing mode, trying to keep that precious money drip going, even as you turn into a robot.
So I really enjoy being an unemployable bear.
But it’s not perfect. My parents don’t purchase nearly enough alcohol, which suggests the need for an income uptick.
Monetize that!
I mentioned this to my mum, who shooed me away because the gems were mega-exploding and she needed to concentrate. Telling her we have a vodka emergency is like pissing in the wind. And my dad doesn’t even believe such a crisis is real.
When I pestered my mum (her word), she suggested I stop using my site to pine for alcohol and make some effort to monetize it. Seriously!
This sounded a bit too close to “work” for my tastes, but she pointed to the string of emails about “growing your blog” (which, hypocritically, she had subscribed to despite huge reservations about the misuse of the intransitive word “grow”). She said perhaps I should check out my stats a bit and take some interest in that stuff.
"There are lies, damned lies and statistics." - Mark Twain
I said I do look at my stats—that’s how I know someone googled “shit bear gay” and found me this morning. I said I planned to address that very subject, but I needed to clear my head with some shooters first. Then I needed to look at the People of Walmart. Then it would be naptime.
I need cachaca.
But she barred me from the computer. She was busy reading Tentblogger, Copyblogger and Problogger, not to mention some Canada Customs information that might explain why my Cachaca hasn’t arrived via UPS yet.
Sigh. Do you guys pay attention to this monetizing stuff?
Liquorstore Bear 
Oh little bear, I feel you. Work, shmurk. But think of all the top shelf liquor you could consume if you had a little income! Would working for it make it taste better? Well you’d at least get a new rise out of an afterwork buzz 😉
Bear I feel your pain. A lack of alcohol has clearly placed you into a delirium convincing you that ‘work’ is necessary to your blog.
Fuck ads on your site. They won’t bring you any cash trust me. When I did this despicable ‘work’ you speak of I built, maintained and made a shitload of money with the e-commerce site attached to my brick and mortar store.
It’s all about the content! Informative? Amusing? Visually appealing? You’ve already got it goin’ on!
Now unable to work -and trying to keep my drinking habit stable with tasty noms between the box o wine- is a bitch.
So here’s my last piece of advice: If you decide to ‘work’ for yourself make sure to pay into Social Security and don’t rely on your IRAs and 401Ks for retirement. Or in my case Disability.
As they say Work Is A Four Letter Word. Sober is too.
No wait. didn’t do well at mathematics in college.
It’s the point dammit!
Keep on posting and we’ll keep on reading. And dear god some of the search terms used to find YoYo-Dyne? We’ve gotta compare our best of the bizarre one day -wink-
Let’s compare those search terms one day! I imagine yours are even weirder than mine. Good advice on the monetizing issue–it’s certainly not the plan to place ads. I just can’t be bothered. Plus I’d have to figure out how all that google ad stuff works, and that’s hard to do while perpetually above 0.08%.
You flatter me a lot–luckily I have some mangy, flattened-out fur to cover up my embarrassment. I’m not sure the rest of the household always appreciates where I’m coming from ;(
That porn pic you posted just now–PRICELESS. That guy needs a hot lunch.
Cheers!
Back ‘atcha Bear. Here’s my favorite search term, according to the WordPress stats, from this week:
‘craigslist reno hookers 2008’
So thrilled that Google directed them to YoYo-Dyne!
Be Well!