I may look a little spaced out, but I look even more so positioned in front of a big-screen plasma TV. Add a little liquor and my eyes take on a magical, glassy sheen.

I love watching the screen. And if my movie pick is good, I’m happily distracted enough to nurse my beer. But if it sucks—and every so often my Netflix pick is a real rotter—my  furry head drifts to the liquor cabinet. I do a mental inventory of what’s in it and what I can fix myself (is there a cocktail based on Malibu, apple-flavored rum, and mescal?) and I wonder if that will solve the problem of a bad movie.

Turns out I’m not the only animal to have thought of this. MovieBoozer, an “International Network of Volunteeers, Movie Buffs, and Lushes” is dedicated to measuring movies by the pint. The logic goes, the better the movie, the less alcohol it requires as an accompaniment. The worse the movie, the more booze you need to tolerate it.

This is similar to the way I get better-looking the more you drink. My friend-who-is-a-girl-and-threatened-to-beat-me-if-I-used-the-word-girlfriend Dolly says I’m a six-pack. MovieBoozer says that about Troll 2 and The Garbage Pail Kids Movie.

The best part about MovieBoozer is the drinking game it conceives for each movie it reviews. Take The King’s Speech, for instance. You can choose from two game options:

  1. Drink whenever Colin Firth stutters.
  2. Drink whenever Colin Firth utters a full sentence without stuttering.

I modified this game slightly by adhering to version #1 during the first hour and version #2 during the second. I know, I know, it’s a GREAT film and therefore deserves only a one-beer rating, but it’s a rare film I’ll watch without emptying a half-sack.

I guess if MovieBoozer ever wants a guest review from me, they’ll have to introduce a 12-beer category.

Check it out, my fellow inebriates 🙂

What's your poison? Drop me a line.

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