Irish cream

Canadian Cream—DENIED

 

Front label…check.

Back label…check.

Product…FAIL.

My mum picked up some mysterious stomach bug at the ladies’ church group she accidentally infiltrated. Celestial payback? Maybe so, but what did I do to deserve this, my fellow inebriates?

Barfing and sleeping, she basically ignored anything a bear could say. “We’ve got to start the cook!” “The cream is fresh now!” “Wake up, we have to cook!” “Is it OK if I operate the stove by myself?”

Ah, but you know I am totally chickenshit about the stove. So…we wait.

The DIY dream…almost a reality! (OMG!)

OMG, my fellow inebriates! As you know, my parents don’t always come through for me. But today….Today was another story.

When Mum came home with cream, chocolate, and other Martha Stewart–style ingredients in a shopping bag, I didn’t get too excited.

Then Dad came home with a big honking bottle of cheap-ass Canadian whisky.

🙂

Guess what we’re making??

OMG!

I wanted to make it last year but it never happened.

OMG!!

Did you guess? Did you???

OMG, MFI, we’re making our own IRISH CREAM LIQUEUR. Yes!!! Except it’ll be CANADIAN CREAM LIQUEUR because we’re using Canadian booze. As soon as everybody gets home, we’ll start (in Breaking Bad parlance) the cook. This day is going to crawl by….

Here’s my first crack at a label for our concoction. Thoughts?

Calling all booze producers! Get valuable exposure for your brand!*

You can only review booze if there’s booze in the house. But certain realities at LBHQ have come to my attention:

  • My parents are not quite alcoholics. They prioritize other expenses over maintaining our hooch supply.
  • The human kids’ needs take precedence over ursine ones. If one of them needs shoes or lunch money, guess who gets shafted on the vodka.
  • LBHQ is moving this summer. This might divert funds to relocation expenses, although I see a case of beer in the future.
  • LBHQ has not yet succeeded (or even attempted) at monetizing—i.e., I haven’t given my parents the financial raison d’être they’d like.
  • Sourcing all the booze on my wish list could apparently bankrupt us. OMG, bankruptcy!

So that’s that. Booze producers, if you’re reading, we I need samples! At LBHQ no bottle goes unnoticed. Hell, if you’ve fermented something in your bathtub I’ll review that.

I like everything, but I like some things better than others.

Email liquorstore@gmail.com for a shipping address. I promise to review your booze within three months, and your brand will get exposure to my countless followers 😉

*LOL