No booze, and the bunny came anyway

Well, we never did leave a Bloody Mary out for the Easter Bunny last night, but he came anyway. He went nuts, that bunny. The kids will be finding Easter eggs in July, the way that he hid them.

Cheers, Easter Bunny. I’m really freaking glad I wasn’t in the living room when you broke into the house. I hear you’re about 6 feet tall and (according to my parents) a committed teetotaler. Too scary for this little bear.

And now, a few pictures to get Easter out of my system…



Here, Bunny, Bunny! Come get the celery (but leave the Bloody Mary for me)

My Fellow Inebriates,

The bunnies here in the house all freak me out. First of all, they’re larger than me (a bear!). Second, they have sociopathic personalities. Third, they eat their own pellets when they think you’re not looking. So it’s a little disconcerting to be swinging the door open for the Easter Bunny tonight.

I don’t get much say in the snack we’re leaving out tonight, but I’ve thrown out some suggestions. I figure every kid in the neighborhood will leave carrots out. We could take it up a notch and leave a nice, refreshing Bloody Mary out with a crunchy piece of celery in it.

“You would hide out and drain it,” said my mother.

“And the Bunny would get the celery,” I said. “Win win.”

“If he saw you, he’d run away and not leave anything for the kids.”

I hadn’t thought of this.

Plan B: We make two Bloody Marys. I get to drink one refreshing, icy one tonight. Then, in the morning, while everyone hunts for eggs, I get the Easter Bunny’s dregs.

But will the rim of the glass taste like bunny pellets? OMG!

LB’s Wager

Yesterday’s animal slaughter discussion got me wondering about the afterlife, but then I remembered the prevailing dogma that animals don’t have souls. OMG! This seemed worth exploring with a bit more intellectual rigor. Being thumbless, I had to ask my parents for help.

Apparently, if you trust my parents’ email silence, Pascal wouldn’t have said anything. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to worry about geese being decapitated outside my neighborhood liquor store and finding themselves…nowhere (omg!) IF this flyer hadn’t been inserted into our front door today:

Even though I was pretty sure animals aren’t included in heavenly salvation, I checked out the associated website for the scoop on animals:

The zebra runs free, and the desert plain is home to the wild ass. Job could not use the wild ass to bear burdens. It seeks “every sort of green plant,” exploring the hills for pasturage. This animal will not exchange its freedom for more easily obtained food in towns. “The noises of a stalker it does not hear,” for the wild ass darts away if a man invades its domain.

This totally confused me, my fellow inebriates, so I hoped my parents would come through for me.

Yes! I said. That’s what I want. Because it sounds as though I, lacking a soul, kind of have a free pass to do whatever I want…

Which my parents had figured out.

“Given that you’re just going to continue behaving the way you do, you don’t really need a table to spell it out.”

I asked if my blog was becoming too intellectual for them.

Not to be challenged that way, one of them made me the following table.

 In a way, I think they’re saying “Happy Easter, LB.”