beer

Hungover, anyone?

“The only foolproof way to avoid a hangover is to avoid drinking.”

I’m not even going bother to attribute this unrealistic advice to its source. Instead I’m going to share my friend Stevie O’s tasting notes on THREE beers he sampled recently:

Dude, I had TSINGTAO lager from China, SINGHA from Thailand and COBRA from India on the weekend.

  • TSINGTAO is full of flavour and a bit nutty. Real easy to drink and cuts through the grim of everyday life.
  • COBRA is a smooth affair and great with spicy food (tried with Mexican and worked really well).
  • The star of the show was the SINGHA from Thailand. Epic refreshing quality; the head is thick and sticks to the glass. Really mature; crisp taste with a herb-like dance on the tongue to finish. Hats off to SINGHA. GOOD STUFF.

I’m impressed with Stevie’s commitment to trying new beers. Some people, like my dad, gravitate to the same beer over and over. These people are boring. Stevie, on the other hand, is exploring exotic realms. I get the sense he needs a warm vacation. Right now it’s about 9°C in his homeland Wales, with rain in the near future—the very sort of fur-wetting weather we get subjected to here at LB HQ in Vancouver, BC. Perhaps Stevie’s foray into Asian beer hints of a need to get off his wet island. I know the feeling.

If you’ve been following me you know that this week has been devoted to tasting three beers. Unlike the non-stop party Stevie obviously had with his three beers, however, my tasting was a painfully rationed-out affair that stretched over the entire week. I wasn’t able to get properly drunk like Stevie O, who is apparently living my desired lifestyle.

But do I have a hangover? How could I, people? And I doubt Stevie had one either. Here’s why:

  • Good alcohol choice. Stevie stuck with one type of drink—beer, so his body didn’t have to shift gears and work harder to process different types of alcohol. Beer has the lowest percentage of alcohol too, although its carbonation can speed up alcohol absorption.
  • Food. Stevie paired his beer with Mexican food, which probably soaked up some alcohol, thereby slowing its effects. Hardcore alcoholics like yours truly don’t generally go in for food, but if you haven’t quite disappeared down the rabbit hole yet, you might want to try eating when you drink.
  • Pacing. Stevie obviously took the time to fully taste his beer. This is a great idea! I love getting loaded, but it’s important to enjoy the journey to oblivion.

So what if you’re less like Stevie O and more like these people? 

How should you avert a hangover?

  • Water—do NOT go to sleep without slamming back a couple of big glasses.
  • Aspirin—take two preemptively with that water.
  • Vitamins—C and B, since you’re getting into the pills.
  • Sleep—duh!
  • Breakfast—OMG, now this is really getting silly. I can’t think of anything less appealing than throwing food into the mix after a big bender. But supposedly eggs, juice and bananas can help because they contain cysteine, fructose and potassium respectively.

INDIA PALE ALE (Cannery Brewing Company)

The last of the beer trinity purchased earlier in the week, the Cannery Brewing Company’s INDIA PALE ALE promised to be the best of the bunch. At least, it promised me that, with its slightly higher alcohol content (6%). My parents, not big I.P.A. fans, were less hopeful, but that’s an aside. Cannery’s own website advised saving the I.P.A. for last (amber first, nut brown next, then I.P.A.), thus building the whole tasting experience toward a massive crescendo that I expected would leave me weak with joy.

And so it did, my fellow inebriates, but for reasons that bear explanation. Let’s start with the most obvious: I loved this beer. It was strong, hoppy and uncomplicated. With four hop varieties, it delivered the I.P.A. punch that fans appreciate—sultry bitterness with a fizzy snap. Yum!

But here’s the best part. My parents almost couldn’t stand it! Which obviously meant more for me. My dad actually bitched the whole time about this splendid I.P.A. He said it tasted like the white part of grapefruit, but without the fruitiness. He couldn’t decide whether it was bitter or sour, and with a few mouthfuls left he added honey to it as an experiment. This was very win-win for a bear like me, especially since he abandoned his concoction to my grateful tastebuds.

It's not pica if you're a poo-eating fly. It's just a yummy dinner.

My mum reported the I.P.A. tasted like elastic bands and earwax. This makes me suspect she has pica, that illness that compels people to eat weird things. I wanted to ask, What else have you been eating, mum—chalk? eye snot? Seriously, my parents do not have a clue how to taste liquor.

I liked this beer a lot, but not as much as the AMBER ALE, and not nearly as much as the NUT BROWN ALE—the best of the bunch for my money. It’s a classic I.P.A., but there are certainly better examples out there. Still, I enjoyed it enough to RECOMMEND buying the sampler threesome and having your own tasting. If only just to step outside your comfort zone.

NARAMATA NUT BROWN ALE (Cannery Brewing Company)

My Fellow Inebriates,

I find the news baffling, local news most of all. In my local rag: the story of a 42-year-old woman who, after driving four blocks from Boston Pizza to Montana’s Cookhouse without de-icing her windshield and as a result hit THREE pedestrians, dragging one woman behind her car. OMG.

I have several questions about this incident.

Rocket science

First of all: Was my mother the driver in question? She’s 42, she lives in Langley, she doesn’t possess an ice scraper OR a credit card, and she’s the type of woman who gets flustered by the garage door. Could it be…? I will have to ask her later.

Second, why was this woman driving from a pizza joint to a rib cookhouse? Again, this points to my mother.

Third, how did she make it four blocks with an opaque windshield? Does this deserve some credit for bravado? Or probably not, right? Just to be sure, I googled “driving blindfolded” and learned that in some circles it’s pretty cool. In fact, in the UK it is a team-building exercise. Wow! 

It’s really mild here so I don’t even know when my mum would have done this. Also, she’s still at home instead of in jail, but I read that they only fine you $109 for failing to de-ice your windshield, so maybe she just paid the fine.  None of the three (!) women she hit died; I think a couple of them just went to hospital.

But $109! Let’s break this down. The Cannery Collection I just acquired (two cans Anarchist Amber Ale, two cans Naramata Nut Brown Ale, and two cans IPA) cost $11.75 plus tax. For $109 we could have bought NINE of these six-packs. But apparently it’s more fun to plow your car into innocent pedestrians in some kind of middle-aged remote-viewing experiment.

But I have to be happy with what I’ve got. Last night I had the pleasure of sampling the NARAMATA NUT BROWN ALE. I was happy because the Cannery Brewing Company had advised starting with the AMBER ALE (check), then progressing to the NUT BROWN (check). The IPA awaits, but here are my impressions of the NUT BROWN ALE.

A darker pour than its amber counterpart, the NARAMATA NUT BROWN ALE exuded roasted nuts and chocolate, immediately demonstrating more complexity than the amber ale. Again I used a Reidel stemless glass, the better to catch its nutty characteristics. Immediately I sensed it was the more serious of Cannery’s offerings, which made my fur tingle.

The first sip was strong and hoppy, with a slight molasses accent, but not as much sweetness as I’ve encountered with other nut brown ales. As I drank, the ale continued to strike that same note—satisfying but somehow not developing  from top to bottom of the glass. The carbonation was moderate, crisp and punchy. This is a solid sipper—four-chord rather than symphonic, and just fine for uncomplicated enjoyment.

I would have enjoyed several more of these delicious beers, but unfortunately the money seems to have been earmarked for other things.

But at least not dumb-ass driving fines. My dad informed me that we have a Nissan, not a Kia like the one with the icy windshield. Yay, mum, I always believed in you.