My Fellow Inebriates,

I don’t fancy myself an advice columnist, but I get the occasional intriguing question. In my search terms this week:

“Does vodka soften your poo?”

I could just embarrass myself trying to answer this question, but let’s face it, I don’t eat solids so I don’t produce solids. I’d be a hypocrite to take on such a roughage-laden question. For more credible answers, I turn to Anish Sheth, Yale-based gastroenterologist and author of What’s Your Poo Telling You?

“With DADS (Day-After-Drinking Stool), it’s liquid in, liquid out. Alcohol is a gastrointestinal stimulant, a direct irritant to the lining of the intestine that speeds up passage and causes diarrhea. Some drinks are worse than others (malt liquor being particularly potent). Stool comes out in liquid form, usually normal in color/smell and occasionally with excess mucus.”

Sounds pretty soft, my vodka-drinking friends.

It’s an app!

It’s a calendar!

“Log” your poo!