My Fellow Inebriates,

My grandparents are party animals. When they toured Italy last May they found a grocery store with a bunch of wine-dispensing machines, much like household water dispensers—but full of vino.

“The wine is cheap and good… We bought a 1L carton off the shelf. It was called Red Wine lol and tasted much like a Canadian Pinot Nero.. it cost….are you ready for this??? €,65, that is about $.95 Canadian.”

Then in October, not sated with giant Italian wine dispensing machines, they took a Californian wine tour—a bearless tour, if you can believe they would neglect yours truly that way. When they returned they had, I can just imagine, several near-housewrecker parties at their house for all their friends. They are serious thrill seekers, my Nana and Papa. That’s probably why Nana needed a new knee—she wore hers out partying.

I totally admire my grandparents’ lifestyle, and I was delighted when they brought us this bottle of homemade hooch on their last visit to LBHQ. It is, I believe, some kind of red wine. Why my parents haven’t opened it yet is a mystery. Papa did say it tasted like kit wine, which may have deterred everybody from putting the corkscrew to work.

I think it’s a travesty that my parents haven’t opened that bottle yet. What’s needed is some faith in Nana and Papa’s wine-making ability—best demonstrated by pulling the cork and pouring some glasses.

You’d open it, wouldn’t you?