6 special treats to put you on Santa’s list tonight

My Fellow Inebriates,

Tonight’s the big night, and whether we have the faith my friend Scarybear has in Santa or we’re just maintaining an elaborate and costly ruse that will one day shatter our pre-tweens’ faith in us, most of us are leaving a treat out for the big guy.

So what’s on the snack menu?

Why Santa Has a Naughty List


  • 1 oz gin
  • 1 oz amaretto
  • 1 oz banana liqueur
  • ½ oz grenadine
  • Sprite to taste

Add gin and amaretto to an ice-filled Collins glass. Add sprite, then grenadine, then banana liqueur.

Grade: B-

Overly sweet; let’s hope Santa has his insulin with him when he knocks this back. The elves might like it, but it might cause too many pee breaks for their boss’s liking.

Black Santa

  • 1.5 oz vodka
  • ¾ oz coffee liqueur
  • ¼ oz mint schnapps

Mix with ice, then strain into a martini glass.

Grade: B

Nice balance between the coffee and mint with a vodka kick laying the foundation. The only downside is it won’t stay cold for Santa.

Candy Cane Cocktail

  • 1 oz vanilla rum
  • 1 oz Godiva white chocolate liqueur
  • 1 oz peppermint schnapps
  • Candy cane garnish

Shake the booze in a cocktail shaker with ice, then strain into a glass. Garnish with a candy cane.

Grade: B+

Yummy, with candy on the side for the under-aged elves. On the negative side, it won’t stay cold, but on the plus, it’s so delicious it doesn’t matter.

Sugar Cookie Jell-O Shots

Grade: B

Even more yummy, but requires prep—too much prep time, planning and ingredients, all of which defeat this furry alcoholic. Worth it if your mum will do the work. On another note, the kids might consume it by mistake and—voila—easy bedtime, parents.


Grade: B+

Plus: You can put out a cooler for Santa by the stockings and leave him some nice, cold brews. Minus: Santa’s leftovers look a bit seedy the next day when the kids wake up.

Bottle of red wine

Grade: A

Include a stopper and a paper bag so Santa can take it with him and continue imbibing on his sleigh. He’s not really driving, right? It’s Rudolph doing all the sighting, so you just have to make sure that little reindeer doesn’t get any. Put an anti-reindeer sign on it and you’re cool.

2 thoughts on “6 special treats to put you on Santa’s list tonight

  1. Cooked all day. Beaujolais Nouveau paired with the cooking.

    My traditional Christmas Eve Champagne afterwards; actually a Spanish Cava produced by Berberana. Beats the hell out of Korbel, Not up to Mumm’s but close, and at $12.00 a bottle worth every holiday penny.

    Moving on now to my new holiday favorite (and nightcap since I’ve the feeling this is one of those tasty treats that’ll kick your ass because it’s just so damn tasty), Equal parts over ice Three Olives Cake vodka mixed with Rum Chata (a wondrous Caribbean and cream liqueur with cinnamon and vanilla..
    Only drawback for those of us normally just squeaking by to pay rent and utilities; each of the above mentioned bottles are $18.99 each.

    Have a very Merry Christmas Bear. And enjoy the holidays. I’m going to even though spending them alone, …because I’ll be back to box ‘o wine after the New Year 😉

    • $12 a bottle! Will have to get me some. I’ve had Mumm’s and thought it was overrated, but that was a long time ago and I was probably too drunk to appreciate it.
      Three Olives is a nice vodka! Haven’t tried Rum Chata but will try to find it ASAP because it sounds like one of those winter drinks that won’t work once it heats up.
      I wish booze didn’t cost money, but at this time of year it’s hard to say no at the booze shop. We’ll be back to boxed wine (if any) in the New Year, although a rum producer in Brazil is sending samples, a totally bizarre circumstance I attribute to language/cultural barriers. If I looked like a viable reviewer, then, well, let’s raise a glass and do it.
      Hope your holidays are good–that nasty Santa video really shocked me, no kidding, particularly the woodchipper image. Trying to erase it with some crappy white wine right now. Cheers!

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