My friend Scary has been predicting the apocalypse his whole life. Volcanoes, black holes, the mysterious Planet X colliding with Earth, and yes—pandemic.
He didn’t predict a heatwave, but he says it falls under the ambit of “apocalyptic climate change.”
Now he’s pretty sure we’re all going to die. It got up to 45 C (114 F) in the house yesterday, and today will probably be the same.
We had to put the gerbils in the basement. Otherwise they were gonna die.
But Scary says we’re ALL gonna die.
Liquorstore Bear 
I always find opening my freezer and taking a few breaths of chilled dry air helps the brain relax. But Scary is right. It’s apocalyptic.
Actually, weirdly, I was just looking into working on identifying Planet X this week as part of NASA Citizen Science project: Backyard Worlds: Planet 9. If you find it, you get to name it. Maybe I’d call it “Jesus.” You know, ’cause, then I could say, “Yes, Jesus is coming.” And everyone in the US could finally agree on something.
Sorry. That’s probably inappropriate humor. Heat stroke? Maybe I need to go stick my head in the freezer.