Four grand? A lot of booze…or a palatal expander…

Financial bombshell, my fellow inebriates: Miss P needs four grand worth of orthodontics to correct a crossbite problem.

I am really shattered by this whole thing. But not P—she’s bubbling with excitement. She can’t wait.

If you ask me, she didn’t even make any effort to grow straight teeth. You should see her x-ray; it’s a disgrace. All kinds of sub-gum jockeying among her emerging permanent teeth—it looks like a mosh pit in there. Four thousand dollars of chaotic eruption.

What was P thinking, developing teeth like this? Kids these days.

What was P thinking, developing teeth like this? Kids these days.

I suppose I was mooning around about it, because Mum shot me a dirty look. “What’s it got to do with you?”

“It’s just that it’s a lot of money,” I said with what I hoped was a sigh of understanding. “I know P can’t help it…. It was really your fault, and Dad’s, for genetically merging your English and Ukrainian teeth. And now we’re all paying—with our dream.”

“Which is?”

“Our dream of a full bar.” Sometimes my mother is so obtuse.

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7 responses to “Four grand? A lot of booze…or a palatal expander…”

  1. INA HELGIU says :

    ‘Ursuletule’,ce poveste interesanta,nu iti este mila deloc de Miss P,cu labutele tale frumoase,scrie ceva si in avantajul ei,ca nu este betiva si ca cei patru mii de dolari nu ia acceptat si asa se linisteste si mama ta .Imi place acest gen de “humor’,…

    • liquorstorebear says :

      Google translate wasn’t much of a help to me! I entered it and got this: Pooh bear ‘, the story interesting, do not you feel sorry for Miss P with your paws nice write something and its advantage as a drinker and not the four thousand dollars and did not accept it settles down and your mother. I love this kind of “humor”, … I hope this means you enjoyed the post, not that you think I’m a douchebag for joking about P’s teeth.

  2. Ashley Austrew says :

    I have a crossbite on one side, but no dentist ever said anything about it until I was like 21, so I never got it fixed, and by then all of my peers were too drunk to notice.

    • liquorstorebear says :

      Ha! That’s what I said would happen if my parents just let Miss P go on with her crossbite. But they said I was a nasty animal.
      These days dentists are alarmist about stuff like that. They like to go to work on it before the upper palate fuses, which happens around age 10. And they actually made a reasonable payment structure for us 😉

  3. The Waiting says :

    I was just joking today with someone that braces are the demise of all good vacations and stocked bars. Say hi to all the crappy beer for me.

    • liquorstorebear says :

      totally true, that. You should see the orthodontist’s office; it looks like a spa. It has a video game room and juice bar, giant bay windows, and kid-friendly music (argh). Our booze dollars at work.

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