My fellow inebriates,

If you had a hellmouth opening up in your backyard, I bet you’d want something cool and refreshing to drink (after escaping).

Photo: CBS News

I polled my friends about what they’d choose:

“Water, dummy. When the apocalypse comes, water will be worth more than diamonds. Dummy.”

“Blood.”

Lava?

(Actually, Fluffy is still catatonic and said nothing, but I think he feels homesick when he sees a big fissure leading right down to hell.)

“Cookies.”

Not a drink, dude, but whatever.

I feel horrible watching Hawaii tear itself apart and I feel so sorry for everyone who had to flee the eruption. My dad and I spent a lot of time today watching people (with and without masks) shooting photos of the lava, and it really freaked us out. We’re sending all our best thoughts and wishes to the people of Hawaii.